A lot of what I do within the mental health field is work or come across individuals that lack a desired level of confidence. These are individuals that constantly wonder their abilities, their actions, their words and their thoughts. Their lack of confidence surrounds them on a daily basis and they're constantly wondering if they are worthy enough.
When working with people that feel like they're awkward, wondering how they can help themselves, the first thing to say is “take a moment to take a deep breath” and “sit for a moment”. Now, therapy goes beyond the surface level because we try to learn what it is that shapes the way that people think and feel as well as how people express emotions and form connections. Since we only have a little time, I am just going to give a few tips that hopefully can help start down the path of feeling more secure and aid in garnering more confidence.
Here are a few tips on how to start helping yourself gain confidence.
1. Learning to control your breath is absolutely number one. Before you can really start something that takes a lot of time and dedication, it’s important that you begin to take control of your body. Breathing properly is the first thing to learn because there is a physiological response our body produces when we are in particular situations. This can help reduce nervousness, feelings of sickness and can reduce the body's sweat response.
2. Now, here is the miracle question, you wake up one day and everything is exactly how you want it, what would that be? After all, how can you obtain a goal if you don't even know what the goal is? Simply saying, “I want to be more confident when I talk to people”, is a good goal that makes absolute sense, but we need to know what that looks like.
3. What are the steps that it will take to get there?
4. I want you to think about a particular situation when you felt like you lacked confidence then write that down and say it out loud. I want you to think of a situation where you had confidence, and then write that down too. This can help you understand where you are now and where it is that you want to go.
5. Then I want you to think about why this matter? Is it because you need help in social situations, want a significant other or do you want a better job?
6. I am going to tell you a little secret, when it comes to what others think about you, it is important that you have a set of beliefs. You need to know if you are a go-with-the-flow kind of person? Do you feel like you have a set of beliefs that you set aside to appease other people? It is vital to figure these things about yourself, truthfully open your eyes to how you react to beliefs and actions that are different than yours.
Let me tell you honestly, I didn't start out being a confident person. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what I believed, and I was always judging myself against somebody else. This led to a near breakdown while I was sitting for my first graduate “in class” session. I had terrible anxiety, thinking that I was not good enough to be a therapist. I had massive performance anxiety and going through our mock therapy sessions while being watched was detrimental to me.
Little by little, I started to realize that I had a set of goals that I wanted to accomplish, and I set out to accomplish those goals. I began to believe that it didn’t matter what anybody else thought about me because I had a lot to offer the world. Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't have setbacks. There are times where I will still weigh myself against somebody else, but I have to remind myself that I do have value and that I am a wife, mother of four and have a master’s degree that allows me to be a psychotherapist. I learned what it meant to flesh out my feelings with a trustworthy person. I didn’t want to be told what I wanted to hear, but the truth about my abilities and what I have to offer the world. If you really feel like you are struggling against all hope, please seek the help of a mental health professional or life coach who can help put your perspective in place. After all, everybody should have a safe haven, a place where they can find help.
Lastly, remember that you are unique and have a lot to offer the world. You might be clumsy and fall often, but that is okay because it is part of who you are. You may be a great sales person, you may learn that you have a gift working with people or you may decide that you are best used in the background. Remember, you do not have the fill the shoes of everybody else, just your own.
If you like this post, please check out the link below.