tidbits and flavors
Sigh, I never thought that I would be doing this, but I want to be honest. I want to live an open and free life, a task that is not easy. I can admit this now in writing and to the public. I hate the way that I look. I have never been real secure with how I look (well, maybe when I was younger), but now I cringe when I look in the mirror. I was a skinny little girl once. Even after giving birth to two children, I was only 125 lbs, a weight that I would love to get back to. Now, this is not a story about weight, it is not a tale of how we should all be skinny individuals and that this is the only way we can begin to feel good about ourselves.
This story is about a woman who is not who she wants to be and this includes weight, energy level, fitness and skin. I use to be such a vivacious woman. When my husband was taking an ax to a massive tree root, I was there with him. When my husband was cutting and clearing wood for our pole barn, I was there on mother's day, hauling wood. When my husband dug a hole to find our water bladder, I was there with him, digging a hold. We would walk here and walk there, and I loved every minute of it. After, a spinal nerve block procedure before a significant surgery, we went hiking in Pennsylvania. This still remains my absolute favorite vacation before of the time we spend hiking and admiring the outdoors. Since October 11, 2015 my life has been different. This feeling of disgust and anger that I have for my body is not because of the birth of my 4 children, but a car accident that left me struggling many days, wishing I was no longer alive because I could barely pull myself up to do household chores let alone workout.
So, here is where I wish I could provide you with a list of ways to motivate yourself to get into the gym, but I cannot make that list yet. I am still trying to figure out how to get back into working out after a decent 3 months not touching gym equipment. After having an epiphany, I realized that I have been needing to make changes in my life. It is tough to feel motivated to get into the gym and work out when I am physically exhausted. I have been working to get photos of the GWS outfits that I wear to work and out being a mommy, and when I look at the photos I just feel mad. Not only do I feel mad because I look the total opposite to how I want to look, but because the woman I was had a whole lot more energy before. I think the one thing that gets me through the most difficult days, when I feel real down about my looks, is knowing I have an amazing husband, kids, friends, and that I am smart, dedicated and own my own (co-director) company already.
I know that I am not the ugliest girl around, but the main thing for me is the issue not feeling good in my own skin. I worry about not being able to get out bike this summer and going on a 4+ mile bike with my kids or going on hikes with the family. I have graduation coming up and on my off time, I hope to site see in Virginia on my off time. This generally means a lot of walking up and down hills or bending a twisting an awful lot and I want to feel good while doing all of these things.
I hope to come back to all of you in a month and give you insight into how I have been able to make the significant changes that I need in my life. Living with chronic pain and narcolepsy is always an adventure, one that I hope to be the best that I can be throughout.
If you like this post, please check out the link below for posts like it. Also, keep track of where this journey brings us. Maybe you can share with me some of your own up hill journeys.