tidbits and flavors
What does it mean to be a lady? Does it take fancy clothing, beautiful jewelry, a high-class name from a prominent family or does it mean that you actually have to come from royalty? Good news, it does not take any of the aforementioned things to be a lady. A real lady can come from a poor background, a rich family or can even have had a terrible and sad past. It does not matter what a lady used to be, but what she is and how she lives her life in the present.
2. Extends Grace
Perhaps because of her own history, a real lady extends grace to those who have wronged her, others who seem to be having a bad day, and even to herself. She knows that everyone has a story and reason for why and how they behave. She seeks to release grudges because she knows that she is not perfect herself.
3. Is Educated
A lady is educated, and I am not talking about having earned education with a degree, but a lady takes the advantage to learn when she can. She knows that there is more knowledge to always be gained and seeks to know what is going on around her (state, country or even the world).
4. Takes Care of Her family A lady takes care of her family, which includes not only her husband and children, but other family members as well. This does not mean you have to take your parent in when he/she is diagnosed with dementia, but it does mean that you remain present through the decisions. You know that honoring your mother and father does not mean you give into every demand they have; it means that you pray and contemplate outcomes. When your family needs you, you are there to meet their well-being as long as you have made sure your well-being is good first.
5. Listens Before Speaking
Okay, so a lady wants to help others, and this is great, amazingly great. You want to help people for the shear desire to lift someone up and not for your own gain. Pause here for a moment and let me have your full attention. Ladies listen to others before seeking to find a solution. As a therapist, one of our greatest friends becomes our ears and our ability to keep our mind quiet. It can be difficult because everyone wants to have the right answer, to cure cancer or help someone off the ledge. Yet, we must listen first to actually hear the person or company we are speaking to. What if they biggest way you’re helping is just simply to listen? Think about that for a moment.
6. Admit When They Need Help
So, I admit that I am REALLY bad at this one. I do not like to ask for help and I try not to share my downfalls with very many people. I have a difficulty getting close to people and wonder what their motives truly are. However, I have learned to be honest about what I am feeling and if I am struggling. I do not put on the brave face all the time and allow myself to take in a hug from a loved one or ask for some down time to refresh myself.
7. Does Not Curse or Use Vulgar Language
So, there have been studies that woman and men who curse actually have higher IQs. I am not sure where that study is or where it came from, but for this sake here, a lady does not curse or use vulgar language. Notice, I didn’t say ever. It can happen. A slip of the tongue or a private moment with loved ones can allow for a little sailor speech now and again, but don’t make it a regular habit. No one likes to hear the “F” bomb thrown around all the time…I hope.
8. Does Not Gossip
First and foremost, this is rude and very mean. Ask yourself, “who am I building up” before you start talking about the neighbor whose husband came home late and then you notice that she is not wearing her wedding ring when you saw her at the grocery store. How would you like someone talking about you and speculating about you? Now, I am not talking about catching up on life, but knowingly talking about someone else to make yourself feel better is not lady like at all nor should it be form of entertainment.
9. Has A Sense of Humor
Okay, so I am not saying that a lady has to be funny and slam at a comedy open mic night, but what I mean here is that a lady can laugh at herself. She values a good, clean joke and does not take everything personal. She knows that she is not everyone’s favorite and that things do not go perfect all the time, and she can laugh it off to begin another day.
10. Is Confident, but Still can be Nervous
A lady knows her worth and is confident in her abilities, but that doesn’t mean that every now and again she doesn’t get nervous. Putting on a party for her child or speaking in public can cause little butterflies, and that is okay. A lady knows how to take this nervousness and hone it, allowing her to be humbled and proud.
11. Has Simple and Seemingly “Old-Fashioned” Manners
Okay, so I list these things here because they are important. Common courtesy and common sense does not seem all to common anymore and that is ridiculous. As the author of "Good Manners: A Manual of Etiquette in Good Society" high lights that if you treat others as you would like to be treated then manners, etiquette and common courtesy should never be an issue. This was published in the mid-19th century, but can be a useful manual now, you just have to tweak a few things like how many different outfits one wears throughout the day. Some other manners that make a lady includes not speaking over someone or finishing someone else's sentences. A lady does not put her elbows on the table, sit in a dress without their legs crossed, and by all means, ladies do not speak with food in their mouth. Ick, that last one is just gross. A lady uses "please", "thank you" as well as "no/yes thank you" and "you’re welcome". A lady knows that she should be respectful of her surroundings and other people’s property. If you are wrong, admit you are wrong and apologize. When someone lets you go first through the door, acknowledge this because what a lady knows most of all, is that no one owes them anything.
If you like this post, please check out the link below. Also, check out the "Good Manners Manual" from 1870's for a good read. A lot of the book is funny because they are old customs and manners, but a lot of what is in the book can be useful for today's society.
By golly, people without manners really burst my bubble.
“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to be mean and exclude them from (fill in the blank for whatever activity that was happening)”.
How many times have you heard this or how many times have you thought this yourself? You don't want to be truthful because you don't want to hurt somebody/anybody's feelings. All too often everybody gets this mixed up, that in order to “be nice” we have to squash down our own thoughts and feelings. I'm here to let you know that being a people-pleaser is not the same as being nice. Being a people-pleaser means that you don't want to cause any conflict that seeing someone hurt means that you are being the bad guy, the mean guy or gal. I understand the need for not wanting to hurt anybody's feelings, but unfortunately we cannot please everybody. People-pleasing can get you in trouble especially in the long run because you end up getting so frustrated, stressed and overwhelmed that you have to say something. This can leave whoever it is that you originally did not want to hurt, feeling confused and well, hurt.
As I mentioned previously, we cannot please everybody. It's impossible because there are way too many people in the world. Now, I am not saying to be the inverse and that you have to be cruel, considering other people’s feelings is good.
So let me give you an example:
You are having a get-together with someone that you don't get to see very often. You are looking forward to the get together because it's going to be just the two of you. Then as you're talking about this "get-together:, somebody else mentions that they would like to come along. So because you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, you decide that it won't be an issue. Well, then that person invites another person and asks (while the other person is standing right there) if they can come along. It puts you on the spot (feel bad 1) and instead of saying what you mean and feel (feel bad 2) you decide that it won’t be too big of a deal if they come along. All of this is no big deal, right? After all, it’s not like you don’t like the other person, you just didn’t want a group of people at your gathering. See, people-pleasers often minimize their own thoughts and feelings in order to justify the invite or change of heart. Being kind is a wonderful thing. Extending your heart, time and friendship is great, but it does not mean that you have to say yes all the time or any time.
There is no reason why you would have to say yes to this situation, you are allowed to have alone time with your friend or family member whether you seem them all the time or once in a while. There is nothing wrong with being truthful. True, it might hurt someone’s feelings and they might feel left out. You could set up another activity or visit that does include everyone, something that would satisfy everyone’s time and feelings.
Saying, “I would enjoy spending time with you, but this time it’s just going to be the 2 of us.” or “Maybe another time you could come along, but I would like to spend some alone time with so and so.” None of these things means that you are not nice. You are being honest, and it will likely be a bummer for the other person, but it is not the end of the world. A lot of nice people are faced with conflict in their lives. A lot of nice people are still not liked by everyone. That's a part of life. Being honest from the beginning is always the best option for maintaining peace even if it's simply your own peace of mind.
If you like this post, check out others like it via the link below.
Oh no, it’s that time again, time to make a decision. If you are an indecisive person, this means that you are likely becoming anxious and scared. You might feel sweaty and depressed at the thought of having to make a decision. How do you make the right decisions? Which, job do you take, this one or that one? Should you buy a new car? There are so many questions to be answered and so many different choices.
Believe me, I have absolutely been in your shoes. All of us have to make decisions every single day, whether or not we're going to wake up on time, what clothes we’re going to wear, what foods to eat for breakfast, if you're going to eat anything at all. Sadly, some of us have to make the big decisions like whether or not we're going to take our mother in and care for her while she struggles and loses her mind to dementia and then making the decision to find an open yet best choice for a nursing home.
Making decisions does not have to be scary and here's a few tips that can help make decisions a little less stressful.
Change can be difficult, but rewarding. Some choices we make are magnificent. Some decisions lead us down paths we’ve never dreamt would be possible. Then, some choices we make were supposed to be great, but end up stinking...bad. Maybe our options were not that great to begin with, but we continue to do the best we can with what we have. Life is full of ups and downs. More often than not, our decisions are not going to be life or death. Breathe and know that you have the power to control how you react to making decisions. Make a choice, right now, to take control of your thought process and body, removing the power from fear and anxiety.