I Dunno

Today seems to be the day that I have run out of things to say. It almost feels as if I have said everything I have ever needed to say in regards to this deployment that speaking any further would result in me repeating myself. I've complained to my husband, I've cried to my husband, and I've argued with my husband about the loneliness, the sadness, and the anger I feel. I have run out of many words...except a few. I still Love him and no matter how long I have to wait for him, I will always love him. I might be selfish at times, I might give all my being at times, and I might complain more than I should, but I cannot deny that I love being his wife more than I love my own life. The overwhelming fear that at any moment I'll break clouds my mind on a daily basis yet let it be know I am proud of my husband and of our military. I feel weak having to complain about myself at all, but I am but a human. I might dislike the situation many times, but I couldn't be happier with the choices I've made for my life. The heartache shouldn't be confused with lack of support. The anger shouldn't be confused with lack of understanding.

I imagine a time when again I can look into your eyes and know that I am in the forefront of your mine. I imagine at night what it will be like waking up beside you in the morning. I try to fall asleep to the thought of you coming home and of us meeting up again. I imagine what you'll look like when you see our children again. I imagine the look on your face as you look upon our daughter who is walking and talking, the little girl you left when she was only eight months old. I must remind you that you are very loved and that you are very missed. I must remind you that we are all proud of you. I must remind you that I am HERE for you no matter what. That no matter what feelings I have, we will get through this together. Why, because we love each other and sometimes love is enough.

I might hate being away from you, but you have given me opprotunities in life that I might never have had without you. I am on the long road to thinking positive. It's gonna take me some times because you know how I worry...you know how my mind gets working and I loose all sense of my emotions.

I love you!


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