Tuesday, November 29, 2016

A Thank You to the Past

After ten years of marriage, I thought that it might finally be time to send something back to the past. Let’s face it, after a decade of marriage, you start to forget the person your spouse was long ago. Sometimes you may forget that he or she is actually a person that is not attached to you. There are times when I look at pictures of my husband, when he was in Korea (stationed in the Army), and I start feeling a swoon take over. I know during this time my husband was far from the man that I have become to know. I am not sure when the switch happened; the time we went from barely knowing each other, to seeing each other’s best and worst, to forgetting what life was even like without each other. It seems like long ago that he was far from the doting father of three daughters and one son, but nonetheless, the man in the photo is the same person who came back to find me, making me question everything I thought I knew. He is the one who turns to look at me and suddenly I have tunnel vision. I take a mental prayer break and thank God that I have him.

What’s the point? I laugh as I write this, thinking about the boy my husband was long ago. I think about the other’s he has been with, his girl friends or one night stands. I have even seen pictures of these ladies while my husband sorted through parts of his past that had been stored away due to his time in the service. These momentous were like pieces of the past that were suspended in time, photos, letters even articles of clothing. I can’t lie, I feel a slight a tinge of jealousy when I think of them in some physical form, but then I think about how many times I get to kiss him when he walks in the door. Wow! That’s right, I am gob smacked at the thought that I have been given an awesome gift. Because of this, I want to thank you ladies of the past. You have been a part of my husband’s life and have taken part in possibly shaping who he is. Strange, you were in his life before me, parts of his life that may have aided in how his love for me became something that he never wanted to loose. Though we have talked about you, I do not know your story. I do not know of the possible relief or heartbreak you felt when your time together ended. I do not know the things you may have lost or gained during your time together. I know what we have together and I never want to loose that, the feelings of knowing I have something true and everlasting.

True, my husband and I wish without limits that we were each other’s first. We have felt this and will feel this way until we part each other through death. Still, there are parts of your story that make me grateful because the thought of you reminds me that I could have missed out on one of the biggest gifts of my life. The simple thought of you reminds me that the father of four has needs and desires of his own. These thoughts remind me that although we share the same spirit and often breath in synchronicity, his breath is still his own. I know without a doubt that your memories do not overshadow me, but keep me grounded. Thank you for being part of my husband’s past even though I wish I had been there first.