Thursday, June 26, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
You sit with me, and we stare
I was touched by your hand
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I remember sitting next to you in Biology class. I always looked forward to seeing you that Kent City baseball cap of yours and those crazy waves that made up your hair. I looked forward to talking and laughing with you. God sure does have an interesting way of fulfilling his plans. He brought us together then apart, and finally back together again. We've gone through emotional hell together. We've been separate and brought back together more times than I ever wished for, yet I wouldn't change our life path's for the world. Except, I would ask for more time with you. I would ask to kiss you more and to laugh with you more. I always want more of that.
I remember the heartache I felt the first time we were separated. I remember wondering how foolish I must have seemed to you back in high school, but now I gasp at the love I know you feel for me. The way you look at me in love, utter true love. I will strive to always be the best wife I can be for you. My sweet husband.
I hope you have a wonderful day...I hope that you have a wonderful night's sleep...I hope that all your moments are filled with happiness and that you can smile ten times a day too.
Most of all...I love you.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
The differences between men and women couldn't have become more evident in our intense conversations during the past nine months. However, I have begun to learn how to take the sadness and shape it into something more useful. The other day my husband said to me, "I order you to smile...10 times a day." Though he said this in a joking manner, I believe he was very serious and I took him as such.
Smile, 10 times a day. I love the thought of it. Now, I am not saying that I won't feel sad every now and again. The absence of the man I love is more than enough to keep me in check, but, I cannot imagine filling the remaining months that my husband is away on tears and wasted energy. In the time it takes to smile, I am already feeling better. I think of my husband telling me "thank you" for dinner as I clean off the dishes from the night's dinner, a dinner I ate without him. I feel run down; feel very little energy, and I smile, remembering the quota of ten that I need to reach. I think of the smiles I am going to have when my man finally comes home and sees his children and plays with them, forgetting the distance if for only but a moment.
Today I spoke with my husband, and fell deeper in love with him as I do with each passing second, passing minute, and each passing day. What a gift the Lord above has given to me, the love many women desire above all things I have. I trust my husband with every fiber of my being. I know he wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt me. I also know that he's a kind hearted man (sorry sweetie...I seem to be leaking your secret all over the place), and that he wants to do what's right. I suppose that's what draws me to him. I fight to understand him at times, as he does me, but that's what drives us to be better people. So I will smile those ten times a day or for sure when I am starting to feel blue and tears seem to be welling in my eyes.
There I go, that makes smile number 9 if not 59 for the day. I think of our family and I smile, I think of you kissing me and I smile, but because I know that we can make it through anything, I smile.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
In regards to the television series, I know that real life isn’t that dramatic, but then I have to chuckle at the dramatics of my own life. The whirlwind way my husband and I reconnected after the three years after we graduated high school together, which is a story worthy of becoming a great novel in my opinion. Then there’s our daughter being born in the bathroom of our little home in Kansas, and the fact that my husband tied her umbilical cord off with 5-50cord or the string of bad luck I’ve had since my husband’s deployment. I tend to remember that true life is stranger than fiction, so once again I am unsure of how I feel about Hollywood putting it’s two cents into the lives of military families. Should I be thankful that there is light finally put on military spouses and the sacrifices they face? Absolutely, but I can’t help to wonder what agenda this little drama has in store for the future. Perhaps I am cynical in regards to Hollywood, but I still can’t help to keep my television locked onto the show whenever it’s on. Even though, I feel sadness overcome me when I think of my husband far away from me. And perhaps that's what really perplexes me, the fact that even though this show fights to show the real situations we all go through as military wives, those on the outside of military live will never fully understand what our lives truly feel like.
So, as a side note....love you baby!!! Miss you!!!
Monday, June 16, 2008
In the moment before I drift off to sleep I think of you beside me again, feeling your body twitch as the onset of sleep starts to hit your muscles. You work so hard throughout the day that slumber hits your body so quick. For me it takes longer, I lay beside you for nearly an hour before falling to sleep sometimes and in that time I listen, I watch you in the moonlight that glows throughout our room. You should see the many times I smile at see your face, the sleepy face you have, so unknowing that someone is watching you, so uncaring because you’re deep in slumber.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Bake: 375 Degrees for 8-10 minutes
2-1/4 cups unsifted All Purpose Flour
1 level teaspoon Baking Soda
1 level teaspoon salt
1 cup Butter (at room temperature)
¾ cup sugar
¾ cup brown sugar (packed)
1 teaspoon Vanilla extract
2 Large eggs
1-12 oz pkg. chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a small bowl combine flour, baking soda, and salt and set aside. In a larger bowl combine butter, sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract; beat until creamy. Beat in eggs, one at time. Gradually add flour mixture. Mix well before stirring in Chocolate Chips. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls of dough onto ungreased cookie sheets. Bake and 375 degrees for 8-10 minutes.
Monday, June 9, 2008
As they travel the single life,
But there can be no seperate paths
For them as man and wife
When people fall in love
DIVIDED HI-WAY ENDS
and they must travel one way then
up hill and down-round bends
Those separate paths are meant to be
for singles traveling separetly,
But when you meet the one you love
You have one path for thinking of
That path must take you both you see
To places you both want to be,
And when you reach the end you'll know
That God had always planned it so.
Clem H. Block
This is to my husband. I believe it sums up exactly how I feel. I will be by yourside no matter what. I am your wife and together we travel through this life. I love you.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Then, later, they passed some people who remarked, 'What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.' So they then decided they'd both walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge,they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your ass goodbye!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
I need to say, to my children...though they cannot read this. You are loved. You have come into this world with a mother and father who loves you with the largest amount of love possible, infinity love. You are beautiful in every way and have added to my life ten fold. I could not imagine doing a more important job than being your mother. Since the first moment you were placed into my arms, I loved you. If there is one thing I want you to learn in this world, it's that you are loved, that my arms will always be open, no matter what mistakes you make along the way. Do I say this because it is the right thing to say, party, but mostly because I cherish you as the gifts from God that you are. I love you Grey...I love you Carolyn.
And to my husband. We have taken a journey together that I wouldn't change for the world. Life for us thus far has not been easy, but as I've heard wisely stated that "anything worth fighting for is worth keeping". You and I together will make it. After all, we've made it this far already. The gifts you have given me are wondrous. I am here to be the shoulder you lean on. I am here to laugh with and grow with. I am here to love you and hold you close to my heart when you think things couldn't get more ridiculous. You have shown me that sacrifice is a beautiful thing, and not something everyone gets to experience in their lifetime. Imagine us, back in high school together (McClintok's Biology), drawing the mock up of what our child would look like. Imagine someone telling us that we would fall in love and be inseparable and indeed we would have that daughter we drew together. I love you Michael, with every single fiber of my being. I love you so much, these words are not enough to express what I will do for you.
Thank You, my family...I love you all.
Friday, June 6, 2008
When I see other couples in the supermarket I get jealous...and I wonder if the women know how luck they are. Oh sure he might just be beside her picking out groceries and throwing in the occasional witty or annoying remark, but does she realize how luck she truly is? To have someone to love in the first place is a beauitful thing, but to share that love everyday is even more amazing. I returned home from Kansas and went to the store just down the street...I was missing Michael terribly, so I was in a less than happy mood...there was a younger couple...not far from my age I presume...she was standing with her boy friend or whatever he might be. I was alone, getting something for dinner, and there she was, leaning her head on his back, and they were talking like they hadn't another care in the world. I just remember this feeling I Had inside...it was like I was angry...why couldn't he be going away instead? Then I wondered, making myself even more upset...I wondered if she knew how lucky she was to be able to have him near. Oh how much I would have loved to take a small trip to the store with Michael...how important every minue is when you love someone and that person really, truly loves you in return. One day, I'll be that woman, leaning my head on Michael's back as we stand in the checkout of the grocery store. I love him, and I pray for him to stay safe.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Goodnight my love.
I miss you!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
*I wait happily Michael, for the time when we can share those little things together. When I can take pleasure in your smile, when I can take pleasure in being in your arms once more, or when we can sit out in our (your :) garage and shoot the breeze. Though I do not need fancy jewelery, I look down at the engagement ring and wedding ring on my finger and smile each day, knowing they were from you, that you put them there.
I love you!
Monday, June 2, 2008
It's getting closer to our anniversary, and I just had to tell you that I love you. I also wanted to mention a few reasons why I love you.
Your baby blue eyes.
The way you say "I love you" over and over again.
The way you hold me (i.e. the night unders the stars when I cried in your arms because you had to leave)
The way you look at me, with a smile that traps me everytime
The way you thank me for dinner every night.
I Love you Michael...keep posted for an extended list.
Love- as defined by Merriam-Webster is a noun, not a verb as in to do. It has a few meanings, in which is #2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
So, does this really answer my question? No. Is love an emotion, something we an turn off and on? Can we love like we are happy or sad? I use to think that love was a choice, that you choose to love someone, but in having children, I learned that love is something I do without thinking. I love like I breath air. And then enters my marriage. I love my husband with such intensity, and I could not imagine "falling out" of love with him either. Sure, things get hard, we argue and disagree, but through it all, I love him. Many people leave their once significant other, saying that they've "fallen out of love", but it makes me wonder, did they really ever love them at all? People can fool themselves into thinking they've fallen in love, find sexual attraction, but the love I have found with my husband, I couldn't imagine being without it, it's like the love I have for my children, I begin to do it without thinking. So what is love then, something we end up doing without a thought, a mysterious entity that overcomes our body? I suppose now, I don't care if I know exactly what it is, just as long as I feel it.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
NOW CAN I HAVE A BREAK!!! Was going great, riding confidently, only stalled out once. I was feeling happy and confident, since I was really nervous to get back on my bike. Well, I'm merrily going along until I say to myself, "hmmm, wonder how fast I'm going?" Look from Raylene, my friend who was in the lead, down to the speedometer. "Well, I know I'm not going zero!" I tell myself. @#$%& another issue yet again! Can a woman just ride her bike? Please? Gremlin bells are gonna be all over that thing...I can tell you right now. So thankfully, I rode between my two neighbors to keep at a steady pace and I made it home...but not before the oil light came on. Yeah, that irked me a little, made me nervous again. So, I'll be keeping my eye on the bike, making sure she stays nice. And tomorrow I'll be ordering the proper cable.
I JUST WANNA RIDE!!! Please, just let me ride.
That's all I have to say.